This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize