we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
