Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
