there's paper in my vomit.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
