Sry I called you an 8
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
