ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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