there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
