Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just invented taco cereal.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
