i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
