My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
