He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm at about main and main street
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
