you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
