my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
