I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
