all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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