Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hippo gnu deer
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
