i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
