Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
