it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
