I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize