you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
