I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
