I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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