Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your dad touched me again.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
