she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
