Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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