Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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