If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
