Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
