I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
