If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
