life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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