I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
