this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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