my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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