it wasn't lemon gatorade
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
