Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
