Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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