They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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