he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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