if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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