I will die if light touches me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.