Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER