she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
