mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize