If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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