OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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