I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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