He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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