Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
