McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
