you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think people are normalizing furries
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
