just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
