i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
