oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize