She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
