Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
