if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
