why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
